Senior Patho Phizz Researchers doing technical stuff
THE SECRET BEHIND OUR GENETICALLY ENGINEERED, INSIDIOUSLY HIP SCRUB!!
"What the...?" We get this a lot when various dignitaries and Nobel Laureates tour our remote, high-desert, state-of-the-art facility. Queries abound. "Where do these ideas come from?" "What are you smoking, and in precisely what quantities?" "How many E. coli fit on the head of a pin?" And so on. In an effort to obfuscate these issues for the teeming masses, we present here a brief, lay-person's explanation of the process we go through in engineering one of our improbably unique scrub tops. Obviously, for security reasons, we cannot go into the minute details of our patented and highly technical process. You probably wouldn't understand, anyhow. And if you did, we'd have to kill you.
1. We first conduct a search for a pathophotogenically appropriate model. In this example we see a lithesome, anorexigenic anaerobe (Clostridium botulinum) living in a six-week old open can of Spaghetti-O's, fortuitously found in a senior Patho Phizz researcher's fanny pack. We have the bacterium sign the necessary release and nondisclosure forms. Then the technical stuff begins.
2. The original bacterium is placed in a digitally induced hyper-metabolic kaleidoscopic pixelation state using an amalgam of alchemical algorithms and a panorama of proprietary plasmidiotic parameters first employed by senior Patho Phizz researchers in our highly secured remote desert facility guarded by pit bulls and a gila monster.
3. Then we do it again.